Onion Convinces Actual Chinese Communists Kim Jong-un Is Actually Sexiest Man Alive
We’re not here to debate whether or not North Korea’s supreme leader, Kim Jong-un, is the sexiest man alive. No, we’re here to snicker that The Onion fooled China’s communist paper into thinking it so. The actual article from the People’s Daily Online, the official newspaper of China’s communist party, isn’t much more than taking a few quotes from the Onion article and smacking them onto a 55-PAGE SLIDESHOW GALLERY of Kim looking all majestic and whatnot.
Read more. [Image: The Korea Times, People’s Daily Online]
OH MY GOD.
Source: theatlanticwire.com
Upon seeing this title, my first thought was of the dead-eyed, balloon-titted sex monsters that internet forum people make. Then I thought of the illustrated guide on how to alter a paper popcorn bucket so you can fuck it inside a movie theater, and I thought of the Reddit guy who taped a Yoda face to his fleshlight. I thought about the article I read that describes how prisoners steal rubber gloves and towels and fuck that somehow. So I had to read “Make Your Own Sex Toys.”
The book started with some sex-positive, adult-fun talk, basic Dr. Ruth material, and then talked about the parts of the man and the woman, and then WHAM THEY SAID TO DRILL A HOLE IN A BAR OF SOAP AND FUCK THE HOLE.
Add that to my memory pile of depressing homemade fuckholes, I guess!
The worst song you can sing to yourself whilst having sex:
Takin’ Care of Business by The Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
Be sure and thrust your pelvis for every syllable of the chorus.
